the begging of my story about feeling lost in life and how I find my porpuse

My Story About Feeling Lost – The Beginning

a story about feeling lost and how I started thinking about my purpose Have you ever felt lost, or just needing to find who you are and what comes next?
If yes, then let me be honest with you because I have been feeling that way most of my life.
I stand here utterly lost and looking for a way out of the noises in my brain. As everything around me stands still and silent, all I can hear sometimes are static noises in my brain. I try not to focus on the conundrum too much. Yet, sometimes it overpowers me, and my will to live drops to the point where I find myself on the steps of darkness.
I know this sounds sad and all but this is not what I want my story to be about. My Story About Feeling Lost, it’s about the beginning.

Where the issue is?

In these past years, I have discovered that I fall between a binary of extremely depressed, anxious, and suicidal or another of stillness that I qualify as ‘calm’.
The question that I get from close friends, family or my general surroundings of ‘How are you?’ Most probably get one of two answers: ‘ I am here’ or ‘I’m calm’.

For years I have been using the term calm to define a state of mind that I tend to go through with my mental health. Calm to me represents a moment of tranquility where the noises in my brain shut down and I can finally listen to the world and what it tells me. It defines what I feel at the moment, as I try not to make any rash decisions when the voices in my head start speaking simultaneously.

girl feeling lost in life and tries to start again, a story about feeling lost

What I have tried:

I have been looking for solutions for a long time. What I found out is that people handle issues in different manners.
I have always been focused on results, and I have a hard time looking at the overall picture of things. This has gotten me into trouble in the past and most likely will continue to do so if I am not able to change my perception of life.
This is the main reason why changing up my routine was such a big deal for me as well as looking for a new job or city to move to.
Two major decisions have generally changed my world drastically and ones that I am glad are happening. It’s all about the beginning. Keeping a routine that made me feel bad every morning and an environment that is more or less unfit for who I am have made me feel lost because for years they were what defined who I was and how I saw myself.

Realizations that came too late

I am not saying that I want to change completely but I want to try and be myself in a place where I feel at home and not a stranger.
I have been trying not to be as harsh on myself when I make decisions or when I just fail at doing something because even though it is a new path, it does not mean that it is wrong for me. The shock of realizing how much of my life has been defined by uncontrollable circumstances made me realize my own powerlessness. It made me realize my naivety in thinking that everything would work itself out and in the end, that everything would turn out the way I wanted.
Therefore, this blog is my way of trying to navigate through my thoughts and hopes to achieve something that I couldn’t achieve before.

Maybe it’s not too late?

this is the beginning of my story about feeling lost, and This blog is my way of trying to understand myself and perhaps achieve these new goals. I am going to do this by being myself and finding a new job, moving somewhere new, or just making the most of what I already have.
I have been trying to tell myself that looking at my life in terms of how it should be rather than how it actually is will help me look past the content of each day and find meaning in something.
My hope is that by writing my story about feeling lost, you can see beyond the chaos in my mind (which I call The Brain) and get to know me as a person rather than just what is happening to me right now, and perhaps get to know yourself a little better, too.
Because at the end of the day, I am just a person trying to find my way in this world, and I hope that maybe you and I can do it together.

But how?

The way: writing about what is happening to me and hoping that someone out there can relate to it.
So for now, let’s just start with a beginning. The beginning of getting lost but finding myself in the process.
I’ll meet you there.